Put yourself where you rightly belong, by making the right choice
Was not a biker, wasn't an adventurer for sure. Never could I define the relationship with my motorcycle as a medium for travel.
2007 - Having moved from Delhi to Pune, thought my bicycle was enough to commute to office. Little did I know the chaos in the "greater" Pune area, realised then that the public transport was definitely not the best way to travel to office, even when the distance was only 10 kms. Decided to go for a motorcycle, again, but no longer the 100CC. The only option left then was RE or Bullet. Was never interested in the macho bike, as I was very lean and "under" capacity to handle one. That's when I talked to a friend who was an avid biker, and he suggested to go for RE or "Bullet" as they call. The biker community never interested me since I thought most of them were frustrated men trying to vent their frustration in the form of showing off. But then my friend convinced me and "matched" with "Bullet" despite the vast difference with the size and weight ratio between me and the motorbike.
We went to the dealer and asked for a test ride, for which there weren't any available. They suggested I could only "sit" on one the get the the feel. My heart sank when I mounted on one since the size of the seat itself was 50% wider that my ass's combined breadth. Demoralised, I asked my friend if this was a good idea, to which he said "Nee paisa kodukade", and then despite all my mounting fears, I made the payment. A week later the bike arrived - RE "Thunderbird" - my "Black Pearl". Was too scared to handle the bike which was almost 4 times my weight, triple the size. I asked my friend to ride it, at least till my home as I thought the traffic was too much to navigate. He replied - It's your bike, you ride. With great mental difficulty, I pushed the start button and there it goessss - Dug dug dug.... I could feel my heart pounding like crazy. 1st gear and the bike moved. And slowly I could feel the engine RPM in my nerves, and raising. The bike moved like a sharp knife on butter, so effortless, so smooth. The balance was amazing and handling was like dipping my finger into the honey jar and tasting it. Fear slowly transformed into love and the "arranged marriage" seemed to be a bliss. The bike was moving without any effort and sometimes it crossed 50Kms, when my friend warned me to keep the speed in check. Reached home and that evening was a bliss. My new relationship actually seemed to add happiness to my life. Next day, as I enter the office gate, the security men who treated me like shit when I rode my bicycle, seemed totally shocked when I removed my helmet. I could literally see the new massive respect they were showing towards me, and for the first time I could see them smiling at me. I was unused to that kind of respect and I saw my ego speaking to myself "Awkaat be.... Awkaat". But soon realised that the respect was for my partner and not for me.
2013 - Life changes, and sometimes dramatically. Comfort can come at huge cost. Life became comfortable and a lot changed in my personal life, especially with human relationships. Having started travelling to office in car since 2010, slowly the excitement of bike faded, mostly traded for the "clean" feeling that I used to get when reaching office. The Black Pearl was left parked, mostly ignored. The cleaner made sure that the bike looked cleaned, but that ignorance was clearly doing injustice to the motorcycle.
By the beginning of 2013, life started going downwards, physically and emotionally which then let slowly depression creep in due to all unexpected incidents happening in my personal life. Wasn't having a clue about the changes until I fell on the rock bottom of my physical and well as mental well being, at which point I was exposed to my darkest fears. Life wasn't as beautiful as it looked like. But that was not all. Felt more depressed when one day I decided to take my Bird to office and my confidence shook the moment I looked at it. It wasn't modified a bit, but the fact sank in my mind that this bike, which I had rode considerably, looked beyond my capacity. After a few days mustered the courage to take it out and could regain some confidence of handling the bike. Comfort can destroy many important elements of life, including personality.
Until this year, the maximum distance I rode was Pune to Mumbai, around 150kms. That was my maximum stamina, or maybe a perceived one. Never went on any overnight ride, neither was I a part of any biker gang since had an uncomfortable experience after a trial ride with a few riders. Solo became my set standard. Re-rode to Mumbai twice, just to see how much of strength was left in me, during which the Bird did express it's unhappiness of leaving it parked for long. A few issues, and got an overall engine work done following which the ride became comfortable. But this time my ego started playing and made me want for more. Actually, it wasn't exactly my ego which notified me about that desire. I was stuck at a very indecisive crossroad of my life, tired of living the conventional one, and something deep in me was begging me to break free, free from the mundane life, free from the conventional relations, free from the socially imposed restriction, free from emotional blockade which I had started to believe as me all through my life. This was the point, when I am standing alone, confused, not knowing what I wanted, not knowing what I wanted to do in life or what I could expect from my life. With no purpose, no element which could secrete that little dose of dopamine or oxytocin, my life seemed totally meaning less. Not to mention the thought induced depression, which threw me to the rock bottom of my existence. That's when the profound truth realisation came to my mind - "When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose". That thought started sinking in my mind, and then to my existence, when I decided to do something that I never did earlier in my life. That I thought was madness, that I felt was only meant for people who had balls of steel. I decided to ride
And then the day came. Out of no preparedness, no plans, no infrastructure, decided to spend more time with my bike, which means a long ride. Not being a tourist, let alone being a traveller, there was no destination in front of me. But the subtle thought, which pushed my emotions into a roller coaster ride, the decision was taken to ride to my hometown in Kerala. Map showed 1200Kms, and my conditioned mind said it was impossible. But this time, having started to listen to that subtle innocent voice that was asking me to break free, the confidence started building up. One fine evening, I packed a few clothes, bought a few food supply for the journey, I set out riding on a December afternoon at 4 PM from Pune. Everything started looking good with positive thoughts for the first few kilometers, after which my conditioned mind started playing games, and stared telling me to abort the mission. And just when the throttle started to ease a bit, that inner voice started speaking and reminded me of what is there to lose in life, and then the throttle goes back to 70. While the communication going on, I realised that I had reached the long tunnel before Satara. That's when my inner voice got more excited and I turned the throttle a bit more, excited, as if the ship was at the point where it was losing the sight of the shore and ready to venture into the high seas. The conditioned mind kept talking and reminded me of situations when my Bird could fail due to some mechanical problems, or I might be hit by some truck and end up in a hospital or worse, dead. But the inner voice was dominant this time and kept reminding me "What is there to lose".
And then with all the excitement I entered the tunnel at 90. The excitement kept raging and the next thing I could see was my bird overtaking other vehicles and cruising faster. There was a car in front of me and I had to overtake it, so I dipped the headlight to ask for side. And as I dipped the light , the bike went off. Could not hear the engine sound, fear sunk in, and the bike was taken to side, half way thru the tunnel. Just when I thought I was free, here destiny throws it's first card, and the Black Pearl was stranded. Heart beat was reducing fast, and the excitement was no where to be seen, and the conditioned mind said "See..I told you so". But this time that moment was different, I ignored the mind and started focusing on the bike. After my excitement ran away, having my awareness come back, I started checking the controls. I realised that I had turned the kill switch for unknown reason, instead of the headlamp High-Low switch. Instead of my left thumb, my right thumb got into action. With a steady heart, I turned the kill switch off and tried to turn on the engine. My heart beat was back in rhythm when the bike started again. Lesson learnt - Do not get over excited, as too much excitement could lead you to do mistakes. I realised that destiny was kind to me, to have taught me that important lesson at the beginning of the journey. Over excitement was nowhere to be seen for good, but then happiness started coming up. And my inner voice whispered - "See, I told you so"
After coming out of the tunnel, the bike again stopped, and this time I was confident and checked the bike. Realised that the fuse was blown. Replaced that and started the bike. But then also realised that I had so spare. Called my mechanic for guidance and then he suggested me to get more fuse for just in case situations. I shared my uncertainty of not able to complete this journey, to which he replied "Neenge appadi nenachal, appadi than aaghum", which meant "If you think that, then that's exactly what will happen to your trip. Lesson learned - Have positive mind and have good friends to pull you out of messy situations. I set out again listening to my inner voice which was getting more and more stronger.
What happened next is a long saga of experiences, of problem, of set backs and some roadblocks and a lot of excitement filled lifetime experiences. But none of them mattered when I reached Kerala after covering 1250Kms, riding on and off for 3 days, with considerable time spent in garages for repairs. All thru the journey, the conversation was going on between my inner voice and my conditioned mind. When I reached my destination, there was no excitement, no want for celebrations, no sense of achievement. I was just being the person that I was. There was no excitement the next day either. But then on the third day a sudden thought sunk in, which said, it's good that you came one way, and now the return journey is pending and you'll have to deal with that. The moment of change happened then when my conditioned mind spoke - "If you could make it here, then you can make it back too" I realised that my personality changed at that point of time. The next day I left Kerala.
When I returned to Pune, I messaged a few friends of mine about the journey. Immediately my fellow biker friend Sreerag calls up as asks me if I am home, and comes to meet me with a bottle of Old Monk. I was as grounded as can be, but from his excitement could sense that what I did was a bit unusual. I felt I have moved to a different league, but there was no sense of pride or achievement, which I felt was very good not having them.
Our conditioned mind is the sum product of all that we have been told, all our past experiences, all our previous thoughts. That will be based on our past experiences. When you defy the limitations and break the rules, our conditioned mind will behave in a different way, with the new accumulated experiences and then life changes for good. So ultimately its our karma which defines us, since our mind is always with us, to guide us, based on what we give it to store. That clearly shows that our life, personality and thoughts are definitely under our control and we can shape them whenever we want.
Now I mostly live off my car and bike, carry tent along and I don't have a permanent destination. Travel solo for more than 1000kms and never get anxious about it, no fear or no thoughts of "what could go wrong". Life is more free now, there are only lesser number of my own mind limitations that controls me. Work in process for breaking those shackles too to live a more free life.
If there is any limitations to our existence, to our happiness, to our well being, then that's only us, ourselves. There's a beautiful world on the other side, which is very much approachable depending on the choices we make. Ride safe, ride crazy.