did I lose it 22 years or a little further ago?
We didn't realise we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun.
November - 22 2016
I was watching this video - a tutorial to play Ludovico Einaudi's famous I giorni on my mobile device's youtube app, immersed in peace when suddenly at around 9:45PM, Whatsapp notification pops up mentioning that "SPG" had messaged me or something. "SPG" had not pinged me lately or rather quite sometime and we had lost contact with each other since almost 3 years. I opened the application and I see that I've been added to a group "KV Sulur Buddies" in Whataspp. And suddenly I see some familiar names whom I hadn't been in touch with for almost a decade or more. The group members' list was interesting.
The messages were being posted by "P" a.k.a Puccho, "RY" a.k.a Haddi, "AS" and "SPG", they welcomed me and I thanked them everytime they did. Initial message was from SPG and then P and RY. P - will be referred to as Puccho from here on. Puccho was the fat guy usually fondly called as Motu and mota he was. Me and Puccho shared a spiritual friendship during our school days, visiting temple in search of God or something similar. The spiritual crap we used to talk used to make me laugh when I grew up. Temple visits, with genuine intentions, which can also be mentioned as no intentions comes to my mind whenever I remember my communication with Puccho. We parted after school days when I left for Delhi. More about this guy and his adventure in detail later.
SPG, as I remember her from school days, used to be the quiet girl who used to speak not like the typical girls. Met her second time when I moved to Pune from Delhi and she along with her husband were kind enough to pick me up from Airport and help me settle down in Pune. Was in touch with SPG till life took over the charge and new priorities got into my life.
RY - the guy who did crazy stuffs like reading books upside down or reversed, always did something similar to keep himself busy. We used to think that this was a sign of brilliance only to realise at a later part that he was indeed crazy. But a sweet guy he is. When I saw his display name, realised that he has not changed at all - he had put his display name in reverse, and I thought this was some african guy till he revealed his identity. More about him later.
AS was another guy I remember from my class, but he was part of the other camp in the class. Oh, that reminds me of the different camps in the class, based on their common interests and life style. There was this local camp, mostly Tamil and Malayalam speaking people, and then there was this Punjabi camp - comprising mostly of people from the north part of India, and then there was this officers camp, mostly comprising of the elite's kids and then there was this country camp, for people like me who didn't really know where I belonged, which also means that I used to switch sides like a politician - a typical Mallu trait. Fortunately, there weren't any hardcore typical Mallu camp, the almighty was merciful on that part.
From all that I remember to some extent, I started bonding with my classmates from my 8th grade, and 9th was a remarkable year in many ways. I remember my sudden interest in Mathematics which happened to be ignited by my awesome teacher - Mr. Raghothaman - an idol in many sense and he shaped the personalities of many kids in our school. A man who leads by example so to speak.
Coming back to the 9th grade time, I happened to get along with some of the fellow classmates to some extent, basically with communications. It was an introvert phase till then, or even then. But talking to fellow classmates was a process that started in 9th grade. Until then all I can remember was getting beaten by my teachers, begging for 1 or 2 grace marks to match the survival passing marks of 35 out of 100, failing which my father used to think that his son was a bloody loser and the consequences of that were different experiences at home. So all that leads me to realise that my social part of schooling started in 9th grade.
Back to the Whatsapp group - So here I am, with most of my fellow classmates, over the 8,9,10,11,and 12 grades, collected into one forum, some whom I had fond memories with and some with whom I had what I had. Went down the memory lane remembering all that happened during school days, those stupids things we did, those stupid ideas we shared, those moments when someone was made fun of and everyone laughed, everything was just fantastic back then. This all happened when I was at office and was on a small break.
Messages were flowing from everyone, RY being the most active and excited guy, who was happy sharing his photographs, his work details etc etc and it looked like he found his lost family now. SPG used to ping in between replying to certain messages. Puccho, seeing my messages, asked me if I remember him. I was sure that he wouldn't believe had I replied yes, so I replied "Poda maire", which was how we fondly called to each other to which he replied "Aashwaasamaayi" which meant "satisfied" in malayalam. "Maire" almost sounded like our code word that we had decided to use when we met again, which was this day. after that Puccho kept asking everyone if they remember him to which no one replied, and then he specifically asked the female members if they remember him to which some replied "Yes". Puccho was again some "Aashwaasamaayi". Forgot to mention that Puccho served in Indian Air force for sometime and is retired now. There was a major incident in Puccho's life when he was posted in Africa, about which he doesn't speak much. And tragedy stuck when VK declared Puccho dead, or rather KIA in Africa, but Puccho survived. Hmm.. even africans found it impossible to shake Puccho. I had other worries, like had heard that African men have a special liking for Indian men, especially the fat kind. And since he didn't like talking about his African experience much, I'll not discuss about it here and leave him to his privacy.
DJ jumped in then, making her vast presence felt. She has a considerable online and ofline presence. She is a principal in a school and hence I had mixed feeling talking to her since remembering school days and visualising the school principal was not a peaceful experience. Then DJ blasted at me for going missing from Facebook and other social media. Back then I was overwhelmed with my digital presence and I went offline for sometime, during which I had unfriended many of my friends, and DJ was one of them. She was understandably angry and I tried to give her justification for my actions. The messages were flooding in, which indicated that the excitement was increasing within every one, the happiness of connecting with everyone again. Time was 10:45 PM, an hour went by like seconds. My short official break was no longer a short break and I had absolutely no idea what was coming on my way in the next few hours, or days.
Puccho messages me his number and the next thing I realise I was doing was instinctively dialing that number. The bell rings and the response takes time on the other end. Finally I hear the voice - "Hello", in a sarkari tone. Before any other word comes from the other end, my words "Why the fuck did you take so much time to bloody pick up the phone" shocks the person on the other end. Just then we both laugh in our typical style and we realise that we are talking to the same bugger on either side. Reconnected!
That call goes for almost 90 minutes during which I pack my bag and leave conversing all the while driving home. It was 1:30AM by the time we finished our call and still felt like more things to talk about. Keeping up with our routine of talking spiritual crap, we talk some spiritual stuffs before disconnecting, indicating to each other that the crap is not done with and we will discuss more later.
I go back to the chat window and checks for messages. IS jumps in and wishes every guy and every guy's sisters. JB enters then and expresses her happiness of meeting everyone after 22 years. Just then VK enters. VK is currently in US and wakes up when we are about to sleep. We discussed about our meetup in Delhi probably around 17 or 18 years ago, when we boozed together and abused many from our school days and had fun. That's when he disclosed a secret about Puccho, when he told that Puccho went to VLCC for their weight loss program and how VLCC closed down after that. We closed our chat for the day at around 1:40AM and went to sleep. It was already Nov 23.
The next day, the early birds started chirping early in the morning. I see the messages from a new individual - GN. - someone whose face starts appearing in my mind, more clearly, more than ever. Time pauses, and I carefully read through her messages. She expresses her shock when the 368 number of unread messages flashed on her whatsapp. And then she wishes me good morning to which I reply. She replies with a smiley, with little hearts covering its eyes. Time started slowly moving backwards, in the reverse direction..... and I am drifting back to my 9th grade......
November - 23 2016
Then suddenly GN pings again, with questions like where I was and how I was, what
happened to my photography and my vanishing from FB. All I could do was
to answer in a word or two. After all I was numb during my simultaneous time travel
back to the year 1991. At this point of time I was focusing on two worlds, one being the
present - 23-Nov-16 7:40 AM and the other - the journey 2016 .. 2015 .. 2014
....... 2002 .. 2001 .. 2000 ..1999 ... I wanted to slow down and reply
in detail, but the journey seemed to be more important, though the
person here I was talking to - GN was equally important.
The group continued with an average of 5 to 6 messages per minute, but here I was, being in the group, still disconnected from the communication that was going on. RY, DJ, GN Puccho and SH were on a roll communicating in the group.
SH is another ex-classmate whom I met again in 2010 in Pune. He looked and behaved the same as suring school days. After that we were only connected via Linkedin. This was here that we both were in the same forum. SH shared his family photograph so did VK. VK and his wife recently had another baby and it was celebration time for them. SAK and VK both were in US at this point of time. SAK wished VK for the new member in his family. SAK was another class mate, who studied till 12th together. After that I didn't have any contact with him until I was in Delhi, till around 2006, when he had called once. RY also was in touch for a short time when I was in Delhi. JB again joins the discussion. JB is not located in Hyderabad and lived there with her husband and daughter. She was in contact with SAK when he was in Hyderabad.
At around 9AM, TJ enters... tadaaa... TJ was the cute guy in my school journey and one face I can remember when I was in my 6th standard. He moved to another KV after that. We got in touch again a few years back on FB and were in touch till I pulled out of the social media. and here we are again. He is still a sweet guy. Then a blank name flashes in with a message. Checking the profile picture reminds me of someone, who used to be low profile but was the undercover agent for many undercover activities those happened during school days. Enter SS. This guy was there in the same school since his 1st standard till 12.
By now I had reached the year I was time traveling to -1991. This was the year that changed my life in many ways. Being very casual about studies, or as we say "academically challenged", I was least interested in studies. Unlike today, during those times, beating the student was a standard operating procedure for both teachers and parents as they still believed in the regressive british mentality of corporal punishment to "repair" a kid, or their student. By the time I reached my 9th standard, getting beaten up was an accepted way of life for me in school, just like a married woman accepting the life of getting beaten up by her drunk husband. I wouldn't learn what they teach, and they wouldn't learn from my indifference. So the cyclic relationship went on, from I guess my 5th standard. My only benchmark was to achieve 35% somehow, failing which these sadist teachers would underline that less than 35 marks figure with a red ink. And somehow my father had a special form of colour blindness where he could only see the red colour in my report card. And then things would get tougher at home. The only reason I used to go to school was for the games period, usually coming in the post lunch time, or whenever any teacher was absent due to any reason. It was not unusual for kids to pray for their teacher falling ill just so that they could avail games period. Those wonderful days.
I used to wonder then why was I going to school everyday? Was there a purpose behind all this? Well, the last sentence was just to make an impression to the reader, never did I think like that as I was among the dumb kids who did not take anything seriously and never bothered to ask questions as long as the games period was intact. Fun was the only thing that mattered back then and studies were the last preference. The darkest phase of my academic life stated somewhere in my 5th or 6 standard when the most powerful technique ever invented and known to mankind, that is instrumental to make and fly the Apollo rocket or a space shuttle and land on the moon, the reason behind the sun rotating around the earth, responsible the the very existence of living beings, and equally important for my survival in mathematics - ALGEBRA came into my curriculum. Yeah, that was what this crap algebra was for me. For a long time the only thing that interested me in this was the rhyming bra word which used to catch the attention of many. Beyond that it was this unsorted alphabets a + b = y(2) shit. Never did this ever get into my mind. And this was the reason for my first academic sin - cheating.
For some reasons, I was very honest in my academics. I never used to cheat, probably due to my ego or self respect or fear. Whatever it was, I couldn't copy or ask others. And I was strong in that. But during and after my 6th standard, I was shamelessly copying from others, sometimes asking for help. The demon for that was none other than ALGEBRA. How I wished to kill this thing if it ever took a human form. Algebra broke me, my confidence. But I'll not blame Algebra alone. It was the failed education system which also included the process underlining my "below 35" marks using the red ink which actually motivated me to choose the wrong path.. Well, enough of algebra now. Talking about algebra is not as interesting as knowing what happened in 9th standard.
Yes, this part of my life is all about that. So here I am, in my 9th, and everyone whom I meet used to preach me about how important this year was in order to get good marks in my board - the next year. Being used to such lectures, I used to listen to them, pretend actually, but at the back of my mind all that mattered to me was the games period when in school, and some electronics stuffs when at home. I was fortunate to have met a few people then who triggered my interests in electronics. That along with some reverse engineering of a few electronics gadget to a non repairable condition actually triggered interests in electronics. I couldn't get much help for my interests academically since school only had much much advanced shit like algebra which was too far for me. In raw words, electronics used to give me that excitement feeling similar to hard on, just like today when I play around with Arduino or Raspberry Pi. Back to the class now.
The class was usually divided into 2 groups - the "good in studies" and the "indifferent". Teachers used to give more attention to the former group as they gave good returns to their investment of time. Needless to say, I used to fall in the latter group, often praying for teachers' ill health so that I could go and play for those god gifted 35 minutes. There was a large gap between the good in studies and the indifferent ones, probably their parents used to tell them to stay away from duffers in the class, and so they did. I, being academically challenged, was least bothered about the toppers or the runners in the class as they never interested me, girls were the least of them. It was shocking to see some of the high scoring girls, and rarely some boys cribbing on losing one or two marks in some subject, even after getting 90. Such unsatisfied, ungrateful, depressive, greedy people they were. On the other hand, people like me were celebrating for getting marks above 35 and below 40. We, the last'ies were the best of the human beings, always contented, satisfied, happy with whatever the almighty gave us, our mother's blessing gave us. And we never complained. Even when Mr. Kolappan used to purposely give me 34 marks in my 8th standard mathematics, I used to beg him for one marks, trying to find out if there was any alphabet that the teacher missed which could fetch that life saving 1 mark. And when Mr Kolappan gave that one mark - that moment - that happiness was like getting a second life. Right then, the toppers used to look at me with that disgusting look - the look similar to the rich traveling in their Mercedes Benz or BMW looking at the dirt wrapped torn clothed beggar begging beside the adjacent car. But they wouldn't understand the pain of academic inequality and I used to look at them saying to myself "35 marks ki keemat tum kya jaano topper babu?"
There's a pattern in falling in love, usually the way we call for it, either ask for it or hate it. Both ways the target stays in one's life and one day, like it or not, you get your love. Then it depends on how you take or continue with that love. My love story was also something like that. I wasn't a social kind of kid during school when I entered my 9th standard. No friends as such but interacted with almost everyone, and very less with girls. Usually the updates about girls were given by other boys, who were interested in girls in the class in their own ways. I rarely had any direct interaction with any of the girls. So now the person in the story GN comes in picture. She was always the topper, always leading by a big margin from everybody else. The always studying type, but didn't look like a book worm. Some of the boys usually had a critical opinion about her and they said she studies by mugging up the books. And neither she was of the hot types who would prefer to be in the limelight. But no one could ignore her for she being the topper and had skill to equally support that position. Well, that was of no interests to me since I was never threatened by her academic skills since I was never in that race or no where near her when it came to academics. But as a classmate, there were some instances where we interacted but there wasn't any closeness as such. And the educational caste system also played an important roles between the good in studies and the bad in studies. So everything was just the same as it came from previous classes. OR was it really?
Enters Ragothaman sir. Here is the man who has a self defined personality. Typically getting anyone's attention when he shouts "Aye idiot". Kind of feared, but never the tyrannical types, and the best thing - I never saw him beating anyone. Neither he was very particular about the "good in studied" and the "indifferent" types, which means, he didn't believe in or practiced academic cast'ism. Some of the students used to call him "Raghu Dada", some "Mucchad" for his thick mustache. He neither had any gang ups with other teachers and followed his own way of working style. Office politics would be the last thing he would bother about, and so on... this man was just unique.
From all that I had heard, he was not a very good news for me since it was a known fact that he wouldn't give those "grace" of 1 or 2 marks to the borderline losers, which also included me and so a red underline was inevitable. But never did he act or react in any way where someone would curse him like they used to curse other teachers. His comments were never personalised to any individual. Yes, thats what I realise when I think of him after 25 years - that he never ever humiliated or disrespected any student. I believe that was a quality that people in general wouldn't have, let alone career oriented paid teachers. Come quarterly exams / Unit tests and I fair as miserably as I was since my 6th standard. Borderline marks were still the norm but I managed 35 somehow. And I was trying to learn maths to keep floating in the sea of useless knowledge.
Mr. Ragothaman was not just a teacher. He was beyond that. He could be a good guide for the student if he/she was interested in, even for non mathematics subjects, he would motivate students in his own way by helping them with solutions, he would lend ear to issues that any student would want to talk about, and all these clearly indicated that many students would build a trusted relationship with him over a period of time. Now comes the most important part of his academic personality - his style of teaching. He was never too keen on forcing a kid to absorb what he teaches, and he always gave opportunities to every student to ask their doubt or clarification, sometimes even multiple times.For the first quarter, I was indifferent, but slowly started getting comfortable with him due to the absence of any form of threat from him. But then, respect, love and attachments blooms when the environmental conditions becomes very favorable. Even though mathematics was still tough, and the evil algebra was still hovering over my head with a nuclear bomb, I used to listen to what he said, irrespective of the fact if I understood or not. But it was not the staple diet of algebra or other mathematics fundamental that he used to talk about, his lectures also included some spice - certain scientific fundamentals from varied areas of science that if the kid is interested in any of those fields, he would automatically get attentive.
I still remember an example he gave while teaching mathematics - he talked about the rotor system in helicopters, and he mentioned about a new technique being experimented by aerodynamic scientists where another set of blades could be added to the main rotor system turning in the counter direction to achieve the anti torque, using which the tail rotor could be done away with. I was like.... amazed, awed, fully wide awake once I heard that. No one, I repeat, no one had ever triggered my inner passion ever before the way I felt that day. I was curious about the concept he was talking about until I bought the RC helicopter for my boy in 2011, which essentially had the same system. Infact all the common RC helicopters available in the market has the same system and its looks like this system should be efficient by at least 50%. Realised then what Mr. Raghothaman mentioned during my school days. Such moments were what woke me up from my slumber of irrelevance towards education. I started sensing the practical side of this bookish knowledge and the same texts which merely looked like a part of some story book suddenly seemed to be a powerful tool which could help me achieve giving a functional form to my imaginations or dreams. There he caught my attention. And slowly I started listening to him more and more, and I no longer wished him to be absent so that I could avail my games period, instead I was eager and excited to see him in my maths class. The typical Indian genes of idol worship in me was always looking for a personality to look up to, for there wasn't any purpose for everything that I did in school, and a guidance was essential which, unfortunately, being in the system was very very difficult to find, and here he was, impressing me at every step, every word, and every moment being the teacher, motivator, guide and father figure in my school.
By this time I was desperate, desperate to learn mathematics, and there were 2 reasons for that - 1. to use the knowledge to give shape to my imagination and 2. impress Mr. Raghothaman. I was kind of trying to be in his zone whenever possible, trying to get his attention and approval whenever possible. I would try to answer the questions he posted in class, not mathematics of course, but other things whenever possible. I remember one incident when he asked something and i didn't really know the answer but tried answering something over and again and he snubbed me by saying "Aye idiot, keep quiet if you don't know the answer". His snub never hurt me since his intentions were very kind, and I decided to upgrade myself with little but more knowledge before I attempt answering again. And so I was drawn towards him more.
Mr. Raghothaman used to stay very far away, approximately 40+ Kms from our school. His scheduled bus used to be at 4PM and our school ended at 3:10PM. During those days, I was never very eager to go back home since there was nothing specific to do at home. I would still stay in school after the school hours if I found someone playing football in the ground. Back then life was very free and there was nothing planned for the next day. Worries, in all forms were outsourced to parents and hence planning was the last thing that really mattered to me. I used to keep myself away from teachers' staff room since I knew most of the teachers never really liked me and so would try not to fall in their sight. And sometimes the teachers would call to lift the notebook bundle or for some other work if they spot any kids around staff room. Around post first academic quarter, RY mentioned that Mr. Raghothaman sits in the staff room after the school hours and he would help kids with clearing their doubts or questions. He then used to pick up any empty class room and sit with the kids who wanted to clear their doubts. I joined them and started listening to him. He mostly picked up doubts posted by the kids and discussed them on the board and I was just the listener. But not for long.
That's when I thought of picking up this algebra and understand this instead of avoiding it any further. That strange strength to take maths head on was inspiring even to me in many ways which I didn't feel back then. But was feeling ashamed in asking him the fundamentals of algebra, which started since my 6th standard and thought that he would look low on me or thought he might refuse me the time and energy to teach me with the 3 year old fundamentals. But, to my surprise, that's where I was proved wrong with my assumption. I shamelessly confided to him about my ignorance and asked him the fundamental question. Without taking another second or thinking otherwise, he started explaining me the fundamentals. There was no process, no books, no separate session, and he just started explaining algebra from fundamentals. My actual schooling started after 3:10PM from there on.
I don't remember what exactly happened after that, I also don't remember how I drifted towards mathematics, but all I could remember was that I got high with mathematics and that feeling must be similar to taking drugs or other narcotic substances. I got around 39 marks in my half yearly, but that never mattered to me since I felt marks didn't shape my personality the way the knowledge did. Spending time with Mr. Raghothaman till 3:50 PM and walking with him till the bus stand was a special feeling and I can still remember some part of that feel. He was the pied piper who used to get the bunch of kids' following him till the bus stand with mathematics. I guess I stopped realising the fact that he was our teacher and the fear that vanished was filled in by respect and more of love. Solving mathematics problems were fun, and more fun was in understanding the fundamentals and the only subject I was used to study and spend time was mathematics. Before I realised, I was in love, an unconditional, loyal, one way love - my love for mathematics, the very subject that I hated so much and wished I could do away with someday. And Mr. Ragothaman played the role of cupid.
By this time, I was no longer that irrelevant, not sure for other, but for myself. I was keen on making myself relevant, more attentive, more involved in the day to day subjects, more in mathematics. This sudden change was noticeable and many of my classmates were wondering what exactly happened to me. I remember an instance when one of my classmate even asked me the reason for this sudden change - my new found love towards maths. I didn't really have an answer for his question, but felt good hearing his comment. And by this time I was actively discussing studies with my classmates, mostly mathematics questions. Boys, being boys were insecure to their true character and many of them were not very keen on completely sharing their knowledge if they found the "knowledge gap" to be thin. Some did, but most of them didn't. For them their "formulas" were best kept secret. But that didn't really bother me since I knew that I was having the access to the boss. During one of those times when I was stuck with a problem, I noticed GN working on similar math equation. Hadn't spoken to her directly till then, with a purpose as the general opinion about her was that she had an attitude. But this time it was different. I was looking for understanding that equation and thought might as well ask her. After all she was the topper in our class,, not just our class, but across the 3 sections. So I approached her and asked the doubt. She was busy working on the equation, but she stopped and started explaining me the logic behind that equation. And the way she explained it was so beautiful that I was impressed right then, and everything that I had heard about her - she being someone learning by heart etc, all turned to be completely false. One cannot explain the equation so well unless the person has good understanding of it. She had my respect and my attention right then.
Story to continue. Keep watching this space....
- Unknown
The following texts are a combination of part reality, part fiction and mostly pure imagination - the Mungeri lal ke haseen sapne types. Readers' discretion recommended.
November - 22 2016
I was watching this video - a tutorial to play Ludovico Einaudi's famous I giorni on my mobile device's youtube app, immersed in peace when suddenly at around 9:45PM, Whatsapp notification pops up mentioning that "SPG" had messaged me or something. "SPG" had not pinged me lately or rather quite sometime and we had lost contact with each other since almost 3 years. I opened the application and I see that I've been added to a group "KV Sulur Buddies" in Whataspp. And suddenly I see some familiar names whom I hadn't been in touch with for almost a decade or more. The group members' list was interesting.
The messages were being posted by "P" a.k.a Puccho, "RY" a.k.a Haddi, "AS" and "SPG", they welcomed me and I thanked them everytime they did. Initial message was from SPG and then P and RY. P - will be referred to as Puccho from here on. Puccho was the fat guy usually fondly called as Motu and mota he was. Me and Puccho shared a spiritual friendship during our school days, visiting temple in search of God or something similar. The spiritual crap we used to talk used to make me laugh when I grew up. Temple visits, with genuine intentions, which can also be mentioned as no intentions comes to my mind whenever I remember my communication with Puccho. We parted after school days when I left for Delhi. More about this guy and his adventure in detail later.
SPG, as I remember her from school days, used to be the quiet girl who used to speak not like the typical girls. Met her second time when I moved to Pune from Delhi and she along with her husband were kind enough to pick me up from Airport and help me settle down in Pune. Was in touch with SPG till life took over the charge and new priorities got into my life.
RY - the guy who did crazy stuffs like reading books upside down or reversed, always did something similar to keep himself busy. We used to think that this was a sign of brilliance only to realise at a later part that he was indeed crazy. But a sweet guy he is. When I saw his display name, realised that he has not changed at all - he had put his display name in reverse, and I thought this was some african guy till he revealed his identity. More about him later.
AS was another guy I remember from my class, but he was part of the other camp in the class. Oh, that reminds me of the different camps in the class, based on their common interests and life style. There was this local camp, mostly Tamil and Malayalam speaking people, and then there was this Punjabi camp - comprising mostly of people from the north part of India, and then there was this officers camp, mostly comprising of the elite's kids and then there was this country camp, for people like me who didn't really know where I belonged, which also means that I used to switch sides like a politician - a typical Mallu trait. Fortunately, there weren't any hardcore typical Mallu camp, the almighty was merciful on that part.
From all that I remember to some extent, I started bonding with my classmates from my 8th grade, and 9th was a remarkable year in many ways. I remember my sudden interest in Mathematics which happened to be ignited by my awesome teacher - Mr. Raghothaman - an idol in many sense and he shaped the personalities of many kids in our school. A man who leads by example so to speak.
Coming back to the 9th grade time, I happened to get along with some of the fellow classmates to some extent, basically with communications. It was an introvert phase till then, or even then. But talking to fellow classmates was a process that started in 9th grade. Until then all I can remember was getting beaten by my teachers, begging for 1 or 2 grace marks to match the survival passing marks of 35 out of 100, failing which my father used to think that his son was a bloody loser and the consequences of that were different experiences at home. So all that leads me to realise that my social part of schooling started in 9th grade.
Back to the Whatsapp group - So here I am, with most of my fellow classmates, over the 8,9,10,11,and 12 grades, collected into one forum, some whom I had fond memories with and some with whom I had what I had. Went down the memory lane remembering all that happened during school days, those stupids things we did, those stupid ideas we shared, those moments when someone was made fun of and everyone laughed, everything was just fantastic back then. This all happened when I was at office and was on a small break.
Messages were flowing from everyone, RY being the most active and excited guy, who was happy sharing his photographs, his work details etc etc and it looked like he found his lost family now. SPG used to ping in between replying to certain messages. Puccho, seeing my messages, asked me if I remember him. I was sure that he wouldn't believe had I replied yes, so I replied "Poda maire", which was how we fondly called to each other to which he replied "Aashwaasamaayi" which meant "satisfied" in malayalam. "Maire" almost sounded like our code word that we had decided to use when we met again, which was this day. after that Puccho kept asking everyone if they remember him to which no one replied, and then he specifically asked the female members if they remember him to which some replied "Yes". Puccho was again some "Aashwaasamaayi". Forgot to mention that Puccho served in Indian Air force for sometime and is retired now. There was a major incident in Puccho's life when he was posted in Africa, about which he doesn't speak much. And tragedy stuck when VK declared Puccho dead, or rather KIA in Africa, but Puccho survived. Hmm.. even africans found it impossible to shake Puccho. I had other worries, like had heard that African men have a special liking for Indian men, especially the fat kind. And since he didn't like talking about his African experience much, I'll not discuss about it here and leave him to his privacy.
DJ jumped in then, making her vast presence felt. She has a considerable online and ofline presence. She is a principal in a school and hence I had mixed feeling talking to her since remembering school days and visualising the school principal was not a peaceful experience. Then DJ blasted at me for going missing from Facebook and other social media. Back then I was overwhelmed with my digital presence and I went offline for sometime, during which I had unfriended many of my friends, and DJ was one of them. She was understandably angry and I tried to give her justification for my actions. The messages were flooding in, which indicated that the excitement was increasing within every one, the happiness of connecting with everyone again. Time was 10:45 PM, an hour went by like seconds. My short official break was no longer a short break and I had absolutely no idea what was coming on my way in the next few hours, or days.
Puccho messages me his number and the next thing I realise I was doing was instinctively dialing that number. The bell rings and the response takes time on the other end. Finally I hear the voice - "Hello", in a sarkari tone. Before any other word comes from the other end, my words "Why the fuck did you take so much time to bloody pick up the phone" shocks the person on the other end. Just then we both laugh in our typical style and we realise that we are talking to the same bugger on either side. Reconnected!
That call goes for almost 90 minutes during which I pack my bag and leave conversing all the while driving home. It was 1:30AM by the time we finished our call and still felt like more things to talk about. Keeping up with our routine of talking spiritual crap, we talk some spiritual stuffs before disconnecting, indicating to each other that the crap is not done with and we will discuss more later.
I go back to the chat window and checks for messages. IS jumps in and wishes every guy and every guy's sisters. JB enters then and expresses her happiness of meeting everyone after 22 years. Just then VK enters. VK is currently in US and wakes up when we are about to sleep. We discussed about our meetup in Delhi probably around 17 or 18 years ago, when we boozed together and abused many from our school days and had fun. That's when he disclosed a secret about Puccho, when he told that Puccho went to VLCC for their weight loss program and how VLCC closed down after that. We closed our chat for the day at around 1:40AM and went to sleep. It was already Nov 23.
The next day, the early birds started chirping early in the morning. I see the messages from a new individual - GN. - someone whose face starts appearing in my mind, more clearly, more than ever. Time pauses, and I carefully read through her messages. She expresses her shock when the 368 number of unread messages flashed on her whatsapp. And then she wishes me good morning to which I reply. She replies with a smiley, with little hearts covering its eyes. Time started slowly moving backwards, in the reverse direction..... and I am drifting back to my 9th grade......
The untold Love Story, probably unrealised one too
November - 23 2016
The group continued with an average of 5 to 6 messages per minute, but here I was, being in the group, still disconnected from the communication that was going on. RY, DJ, GN Puccho and SH were on a roll communicating in the group.
SH is another ex-classmate whom I met again in 2010 in Pune. He looked and behaved the same as suring school days. After that we were only connected via Linkedin. This was here that we both were in the same forum. SH shared his family photograph so did VK. VK and his wife recently had another baby and it was celebration time for them. SAK and VK both were in US at this point of time. SAK wished VK for the new member in his family. SAK was another class mate, who studied till 12th together. After that I didn't have any contact with him until I was in Delhi, till around 2006, when he had called once. RY also was in touch for a short time when I was in Delhi. JB again joins the discussion. JB is not located in Hyderabad and lived there with her husband and daughter. She was in contact with SAK when he was in Hyderabad.
At around 9AM, TJ enters... tadaaa... TJ was the cute guy in my school journey and one face I can remember when I was in my 6th standard. He moved to another KV after that. We got in touch again a few years back on FB and were in touch till I pulled out of the social media. and here we are again. He is still a sweet guy. Then a blank name flashes in with a message. Checking the profile picture reminds me of someone, who used to be low profile but was the undercover agent for many undercover activities those happened during school days. Enter SS. This guy was there in the same school since his 1st standard till 12.
By now I had reached the year I was time traveling to -1991. This was the year that changed my life in many ways. Being very casual about studies, or as we say "academically challenged", I was least interested in studies. Unlike today, during those times, beating the student was a standard operating procedure for both teachers and parents as they still believed in the regressive british mentality of corporal punishment to "repair" a kid, or their student. By the time I reached my 9th standard, getting beaten up was an accepted way of life for me in school, just like a married woman accepting the life of getting beaten up by her drunk husband. I wouldn't learn what they teach, and they wouldn't learn from my indifference. So the cyclic relationship went on, from I guess my 5th standard. My only benchmark was to achieve 35% somehow, failing which these sadist teachers would underline that less than 35 marks figure with a red ink. And somehow my father had a special form of colour blindness where he could only see the red colour in my report card. And then things would get tougher at home. The only reason I used to go to school was for the games period, usually coming in the post lunch time, or whenever any teacher was absent due to any reason. It was not unusual for kids to pray for their teacher falling ill just so that they could avail games period. Those wonderful days.
I used to wonder then why was I going to school everyday? Was there a purpose behind all this? Well, the last sentence was just to make an impression to the reader, never did I think like that as I was among the dumb kids who did not take anything seriously and never bothered to ask questions as long as the games period was intact. Fun was the only thing that mattered back then and studies were the last preference. The darkest phase of my academic life stated somewhere in my 5th or 6 standard when the most powerful technique ever invented and known to mankind, that is instrumental to make and fly the Apollo rocket or a space shuttle and land on the moon, the reason behind the sun rotating around the earth, responsible the the very existence of living beings, and equally important for my survival in mathematics - ALGEBRA came into my curriculum. Yeah, that was what this crap algebra was for me. For a long time the only thing that interested me in this was the rhyming bra word which used to catch the attention of many. Beyond that it was this unsorted alphabets a + b = y(2) shit. Never did this ever get into my mind. And this was the reason for my first academic sin - cheating.
For some reasons, I was very honest in my academics. I never used to cheat, probably due to my ego or self respect or fear. Whatever it was, I couldn't copy or ask others. And I was strong in that. But during and after my 6th standard, I was shamelessly copying from others, sometimes asking for help. The demon for that was none other than ALGEBRA. How I wished to kill this thing if it ever took a human form. Algebra broke me, my confidence. But I'll not blame Algebra alone. It was the failed education system which also included the process underlining my "below 35" marks using the red ink which actually motivated me to choose the wrong path.. Well, enough of algebra now. Talking about algebra is not as interesting as knowing what happened in 9th standard.
Falling in love
Yes, this part of my life is all about that. So here I am, in my 9th, and everyone whom I meet used to preach me about how important this year was in order to get good marks in my board - the next year. Being used to such lectures, I used to listen to them, pretend actually, but at the back of my mind all that mattered to me was the games period when in school, and some electronics stuffs when at home. I was fortunate to have met a few people then who triggered my interests in electronics. That along with some reverse engineering of a few electronics gadget to a non repairable condition actually triggered interests in electronics. I couldn't get much help for my interests academically since school only had much much advanced shit like algebra which was too far for me. In raw words, electronics used to give me that excitement feeling similar to hard on, just like today when I play around with Arduino or Raspberry Pi. Back to the class now.
The class was usually divided into 2 groups - the "good in studies" and the "indifferent". Teachers used to give more attention to the former group as they gave good returns to their investment of time. Needless to say, I used to fall in the latter group, often praying for teachers' ill health so that I could go and play for those god gifted 35 minutes. There was a large gap between the good in studies and the indifferent ones, probably their parents used to tell them to stay away from duffers in the class, and so they did. I, being academically challenged, was least bothered about the toppers or the runners in the class as they never interested me, girls were the least of them. It was shocking to see some of the high scoring girls, and rarely some boys cribbing on losing one or two marks in some subject, even after getting 90. Such unsatisfied, ungrateful, depressive, greedy people they were. On the other hand, people like me were celebrating for getting marks above 35 and below 40. We, the last'ies were the best of the human beings, always contented, satisfied, happy with whatever the almighty gave us, our mother's blessing gave us. And we never complained. Even when Mr. Kolappan used to purposely give me 34 marks in my 8th standard mathematics, I used to beg him for one marks, trying to find out if there was any alphabet that the teacher missed which could fetch that life saving 1 mark. And when Mr Kolappan gave that one mark - that moment - that happiness was like getting a second life. Right then, the toppers used to look at me with that disgusting look - the look similar to the rich traveling in their Mercedes Benz or BMW looking at the dirt wrapped torn clothed beggar begging beside the adjacent car. But they wouldn't understand the pain of academic inequality and I used to look at them saying to myself "35 marks ki keemat tum kya jaano topper babu?"
There's a pattern in falling in love, usually the way we call for it, either ask for it or hate it. Both ways the target stays in one's life and one day, like it or not, you get your love. Then it depends on how you take or continue with that love. My love story was also something like that. I wasn't a social kind of kid during school when I entered my 9th standard. No friends as such but interacted with almost everyone, and very less with girls. Usually the updates about girls were given by other boys, who were interested in girls in the class in their own ways. I rarely had any direct interaction with any of the girls. So now the person in the story GN comes in picture. She was always the topper, always leading by a big margin from everybody else. The always studying type, but didn't look like a book worm. Some of the boys usually had a critical opinion about her and they said she studies by mugging up the books. And neither she was of the hot types who would prefer to be in the limelight. But no one could ignore her for she being the topper and had skill to equally support that position. Well, that was of no interests to me since I was never threatened by her academic skills since I was never in that race or no where near her when it came to academics. But as a classmate, there were some instances where we interacted but there wasn't any closeness as such. And the educational caste system also played an important roles between the good in studies and the bad in studies. So everything was just the same as it came from previous classes. OR was it really?
Enters Ragothaman sir. Here is the man who has a self defined personality. Typically getting anyone's attention when he shouts "Aye idiot". Kind of feared, but never the tyrannical types, and the best thing - I never saw him beating anyone. Neither he was very particular about the "good in studied" and the "indifferent" types, which means, he didn't believe in or practiced academic cast'ism. Some of the students used to call him "Raghu Dada", some "Mucchad" for his thick mustache. He neither had any gang ups with other teachers and followed his own way of working style. Office politics would be the last thing he would bother about, and so on... this man was just unique.
From all that I had heard, he was not a very good news for me since it was a known fact that he wouldn't give those "grace" of 1 or 2 marks to the borderline losers, which also included me and so a red underline was inevitable. But never did he act or react in any way where someone would curse him like they used to curse other teachers. His comments were never personalised to any individual. Yes, thats what I realise when I think of him after 25 years - that he never ever humiliated or disrespected any student. I believe that was a quality that people in general wouldn't have, let alone career oriented paid teachers. Come quarterly exams / Unit tests and I fair as miserably as I was since my 6th standard. Borderline marks were still the norm but I managed 35 somehow. And I was trying to learn maths to keep floating in the sea of useless knowledge.
Mr. Ragothaman was not just a teacher. He was beyond that. He could be a good guide for the student if he/she was interested in, even for non mathematics subjects, he would motivate students in his own way by helping them with solutions, he would lend ear to issues that any student would want to talk about, and all these clearly indicated that many students would build a trusted relationship with him over a period of time. Now comes the most important part of his academic personality - his style of teaching. He was never too keen on forcing a kid to absorb what he teaches, and he always gave opportunities to every student to ask their doubt or clarification, sometimes even multiple times.For the first quarter, I was indifferent, but slowly started getting comfortable with him due to the absence of any form of threat from him. But then, respect, love and attachments blooms when the environmental conditions becomes very favorable. Even though mathematics was still tough, and the evil algebra was still hovering over my head with a nuclear bomb, I used to listen to what he said, irrespective of the fact if I understood or not. But it was not the staple diet of algebra or other mathematics fundamental that he used to talk about, his lectures also included some spice - certain scientific fundamentals from varied areas of science that if the kid is interested in any of those fields, he would automatically get attentive.
I still remember an example he gave while teaching mathematics - he talked about the rotor system in helicopters, and he mentioned about a new technique being experimented by aerodynamic scientists where another set of blades could be added to the main rotor system turning in the counter direction to achieve the anti torque, using which the tail rotor could be done away with. I was like.... amazed, awed, fully wide awake once I heard that. No one, I repeat, no one had ever triggered my inner passion ever before the way I felt that day. I was curious about the concept he was talking about until I bought the RC helicopter for my boy in 2011, which essentially had the same system. Infact all the common RC helicopters available in the market has the same system and its looks like this system should be efficient by at least 50%. Realised then what Mr. Raghothaman mentioned during my school days. Such moments were what woke me up from my slumber of irrelevance towards education. I started sensing the practical side of this bookish knowledge and the same texts which merely looked like a part of some story book suddenly seemed to be a powerful tool which could help me achieve giving a functional form to my imaginations or dreams. There he caught my attention. And slowly I started listening to him more and more, and I no longer wished him to be absent so that I could avail my games period, instead I was eager and excited to see him in my maths class. The typical Indian genes of idol worship in me was always looking for a personality to look up to, for there wasn't any purpose for everything that I did in school, and a guidance was essential which, unfortunately, being in the system was very very difficult to find, and here he was, impressing me at every step, every word, and every moment being the teacher, motivator, guide and father figure in my school.
By this time I was desperate, desperate to learn mathematics, and there were 2 reasons for that - 1. to use the knowledge to give shape to my imagination and 2. impress Mr. Raghothaman. I was kind of trying to be in his zone whenever possible, trying to get his attention and approval whenever possible. I would try to answer the questions he posted in class, not mathematics of course, but other things whenever possible. I remember one incident when he asked something and i didn't really know the answer but tried answering something over and again and he snubbed me by saying "Aye idiot, keep quiet if you don't know the answer". His snub never hurt me since his intentions were very kind, and I decided to upgrade myself with little but more knowledge before I attempt answering again. And so I was drawn towards him more.
Mr. Raghothaman used to stay very far away, approximately 40+ Kms from our school. His scheduled bus used to be at 4PM and our school ended at 3:10PM. During those days, I was never very eager to go back home since there was nothing specific to do at home. I would still stay in school after the school hours if I found someone playing football in the ground. Back then life was very free and there was nothing planned for the next day. Worries, in all forms were outsourced to parents and hence planning was the last thing that really mattered to me. I used to keep myself away from teachers' staff room since I knew most of the teachers never really liked me and so would try not to fall in their sight. And sometimes the teachers would call to lift the notebook bundle or for some other work if they spot any kids around staff room. Around post first academic quarter, RY mentioned that Mr. Raghothaman sits in the staff room after the school hours and he would help kids with clearing their doubts or questions. He then used to pick up any empty class room and sit with the kids who wanted to clear their doubts. I joined them and started listening to him. He mostly picked up doubts posted by the kids and discussed them on the board and I was just the listener. But not for long.
That's when I thought of picking up this algebra and understand this instead of avoiding it any further. That strange strength to take maths head on was inspiring even to me in many ways which I didn't feel back then. But was feeling ashamed in asking him the fundamentals of algebra, which started since my 6th standard and thought that he would look low on me or thought he might refuse me the time and energy to teach me with the 3 year old fundamentals. But, to my surprise, that's where I was proved wrong with my assumption. I shamelessly confided to him about my ignorance and asked him the fundamental question. Without taking another second or thinking otherwise, he started explaining me the fundamentals. There was no process, no books, no separate session, and he just started explaining algebra from fundamentals. My actual schooling started after 3:10PM from there on.
I don't remember what exactly happened after that, I also don't remember how I drifted towards mathematics, but all I could remember was that I got high with mathematics and that feeling must be similar to taking drugs or other narcotic substances. I got around 39 marks in my half yearly, but that never mattered to me since I felt marks didn't shape my personality the way the knowledge did. Spending time with Mr. Raghothaman till 3:50 PM and walking with him till the bus stand was a special feeling and I can still remember some part of that feel. He was the pied piper who used to get the bunch of kids' following him till the bus stand with mathematics. I guess I stopped realising the fact that he was our teacher and the fear that vanished was filled in by respect and more of love. Solving mathematics problems were fun, and more fun was in understanding the fundamentals and the only subject I was used to study and spend time was mathematics. Before I realised, I was in love, an unconditional, loyal, one way love - my love for mathematics, the very subject that I hated so much and wished I could do away with someday. And Mr. Ragothaman played the role of cupid.
By this time, I was no longer that irrelevant, not sure for other, but for myself. I was keen on making myself relevant, more attentive, more involved in the day to day subjects, more in mathematics. This sudden change was noticeable and many of my classmates were wondering what exactly happened to me. I remember an instance when one of my classmate even asked me the reason for this sudden change - my new found love towards maths. I didn't really have an answer for his question, but felt good hearing his comment. And by this time I was actively discussing studies with my classmates, mostly mathematics questions. Boys, being boys were insecure to their true character and many of them were not very keen on completely sharing their knowledge if they found the "knowledge gap" to be thin. Some did, but most of them didn't. For them their "formulas" were best kept secret. But that didn't really bother me since I knew that I was having the access to the boss. During one of those times when I was stuck with a problem, I noticed GN working on similar math equation. Hadn't spoken to her directly till then, with a purpose as the general opinion about her was that she had an attitude. But this time it was different. I was looking for understanding that equation and thought might as well ask her. After all she was the topper in our class,, not just our class, but across the 3 sections. So I approached her and asked the doubt. She was busy working on the equation, but she stopped and started explaining me the logic behind that equation. And the way she explained it was so beautiful that I was impressed right then, and everything that I had heard about her - she being someone learning by heart etc, all turned to be completely false. One cannot explain the equation so well unless the person has good understanding of it. She had my respect and my attention right then.
Story to continue. Keep watching this space....
